Arms
by LittlePinkHouses
Summary: Kurt just needs to be held, strong arms and love passed through one body to the other. On the 17th June, he needs it more than ever. past/present/future!fic


'_I'll never let a love get so close,  
>you put your arms around me and home.'<em>

June 17th 2001

"I don't want you to go, mommy."

Kurt buried his face further in his mother's chest, gripping at her shirt and willing the tears from his eyes. Beth smiled sadly down at her son, seven years old and filled with so much knowledge and pure, heart wrenching love that it broke her heart from being so proud. She didn't want to leave him for the week, it'd be only the third time away from him for more than one or two nights – and the way he was clinging to her like a koala bear to its mother was making it even harder for her to board that plane.

"I know baby, I know," she brushed his soft, growing hair away from his vision. "But just think when I come back you'll have a brand new baby cousin and I'll have loads and loads of photos to show you," Beth mused, trying to cheer him up.

"But why do you have to go? I want you to stay and hold me," Kurt pouted and Beth's heart just broke.

She shuffled down the bed, glancing at the clock and deciding she could spare a few more minutes with her son. Kurt smiled and moved closer, wrapping his arms around her neck and giggling. It always amazed Beth at how quickly Kurt could be pleased, kissing his nose softly and whispering her declarations of love to him. He smiled softly and if it was possible Beth was sure her heart would explode, just burst out of her chest and flutter around the room.

"Auntie Annabel wants me to be there at the birth," Beth said. "She's very scared and wants me to let her know everything will be okay."

"How do you know that mommy?" Kurt wondered.

"Well you're here right now," Beth smiled and bopped Kurt's nose before pointing to herself. "And so am I, so I'm pretty sure I have an idea."

Kurt nodded and shut his eyes slowly, smiling and twining his mother's long auburn hair between his pale and delicate fingers. His thumb gravitated towards his mouth and just for once Beth let him suck it, Burt would pull it out later tonight anyway.

"Bee, you're taxi is here, you ready?" Burt peeked around the door frame and whispered as quietly as he could.

"No!" Kurt awoke and clung to Beth's body.

"Okay, come on. Be a big boy now, Kurt, I'll be back soon and I'll ring you every night okay? And you can tell me about your day and what daddy cooked and what TV show you watched and I'll listen, baby. I'll listen so hard to your voice and keep the sound with me all the way through the week. So whenever I get lonely, I know I'm never truly alone," Beth soothed and pulled away from Kurt after one last squeeze.

"I love you, mommy," Kurt smiled and kissed her fully on the mouth. "Promise to ring me every night?"

"I promise."

Beth turned off Kurt's nightlight and blew him a kiss which he caught with his hands and pulled to his chest, smiling brightly but the tiredness was apparent in his eyes.

"Sleep tight baby, love you."

"Night mommy," Kurt yawned and watched the door shut after his mother.

He waited until he heard the taxi drive out of their drive and held onto one of his mother's shirts that smelt like her. Kurt burrowed down into his bed, wiping at his tears and slipping the shirt over his head to revel in the smell of his mother.

Even though she wasn't here, he was never truly alone.

Annabel gave birth to a baby girl, Amylee, alone.

Burt got a phone call the morning after Elizabeth's flight.

And Kurt's mother never came home.

'_you put your arms around me  
>and I believe that it's easier for you to let me go.<br>you put your arms around me and I'm home.' _

June 17th 2011

"Blaine? What are you doing here at half eleven at night? Come in, come in, you'll freeze out there," Carole rambled and pulled Blaine inside, her hands warm on his arm and spreading through his body.

"Kurt text me," Blaine breathed. "Honestly, I'm really worried so I just drove here to see him."

"Oh honey, you're so kind to him." Carole smiled sadly and brushed Blaine's cheek, nodding him upstairs.

"Burt's out visiting his sister-in-law so you can stay the night, not that he would mind but there is no way you're driving home at this time," Carole insisted. "Kurt's in his room."

"Thank you," Blaine smiled and ran up the stairs.

He knocked on Kurt's door gently, barely even making a sound – after no reply he called out.

Still no reply. If Blaine wasn't as worried as he was he'd just think Kurt didn't hear him but he _was_ worried and shit what if Kurt had hurt himself.

Hurt himself on purpose.

Blaine pushed through the door, his heart fell right through his entire body and fell out somewhere near his feet. Kurt was curled up in the centre of his bed, an old looking and faded light green blouse – a little small for him now – wrapped around his body. His lower body was naked but Blaine didn't notice, he didn't notice the curves of Kurt's legs, the soft looking skin of his ankles, the soft untouched locks of his hair perching over his eyes – Blaine didn't notice.

He did however notice Kurt's red and puffy eyes, the sudden sharp intakes of breath and the shaky exhale. Blaine tried not to just run across the room so instead he paced slowly letting his presence be known.

"Kurt...?"

Kurt looked up suddenly, obviously noticing Blaine a little late. His eyes were wide and his breath became even more shaky and shuffled and tried to cover himself up, his eyes never leaving Blaine's. Blaine shook his head, giving Kurt the okay to stay as he was.

"Did you drive here? All by yourself? In the dark? Blaine, something could've happened to you! You could've crashed or driven into a ditch due to overtiredness, oh God." Kurt whimpered at the end, Blaine was confused but flung himself on the bed and cradled Kurt in his arms until he calmed a little.

"Hey, hey, shush. Come on, I'm here, I'm fine," Blaine rocked him, rocked him like his mother used to.

Rocked him back and forth like the seven year old he wanted to be, to live over and over again.

"I'm right here," Blaine repeated lowly in Kurt's ear.

Kurt clutched to Blaine's cardigan, scrunching it in his fists as some sort of leverage – something real to hold onto. As he shuffled to hold onto his boyfriend tighter the smell from the shirt that still lingered floated across the room. Kurt swallowed loudly, tears falling freely now that he knew someone would catch him.

"She's not though," Kurt whimpered and pushed his face into Blaine's clothes.

"Kurt..." Blaine sighed sadly and held Kurt closer, his arms like shelter and strength wrapped tightly around Kurt's shaking mass – protecting him, loving him.

"Bring her back," Kurt whispered.

Blaine couldn't reply – what could he say? His arms flexed and tightened around Kurt, stroking his hair and pressing firm kisses to his head, rocking him slowly. Kurt moved, pushing away and staring down at Blaine's chest. He blubbered before he repeated himself – over and over again; hitting Blaine's chest with harder and harder thumps on every syllable. Kurt's voice was barely there but he was shouting, screaming and begging for Blaine to 'bring her back!'

The thumps weren't hurting Blaine, none of it was. His body was building walls, emotional and physical barriers to stand against the pain. _The pain,_ Blaine had no right to call this pain, he decided as he looked away from his throbbing chest to the boy he loved. The boy he loved who was hurting, actually hurting – hurting so much he couldn't do anything with it. Kurt's face was broken, his fists were shaking despite the heavy drops to Blaine's chest and his shouting became whimpering and screaming.

Kurt couldn't stop himself, he didn't want to hurt Blaine but the more he pound at Blaine's chest; the more 'bring her back' rolled off his tongue – the more he was reminded of this night ten years ago. Burt just sat there and took it, let Kurt beat his chest saying the same thing. It was almost as if Kurt was blaming other people, blaming someone - anyone. But he wasn't, he just didn't know what to do with all the hurt inside of him. It would take over his body; remind him time and time again that nothing in this Earth could bring her back.

Nothing.

Not even Blaine.

Kurt let out a sobering scream before his thumps and pounds slowed and softened into barely there taps and nudges. He felt weak, so weak and so tired. His eyes stung from days and nights of crying and his lungs ached from inside his body, begging for a rest. Kurt's eyelids became heavier and slowly closed, leaning down and resting on Blaine's numb chest; after letting out one soft whisper of 'bring her back', Kurt sighed and let the hurt just have him.

"You should try and sleep baby," Blaine whispered, his voice so soft and tempting.

He looked down at Kurt's body, pale and needy for rest and love. It hurt and it ached to see someone so full of life, so positive and so kind be stuck in a rut of sadness and never ending pain. Tears stung at the back of Blaine's eyes, daring him to cry, daring him to love Kurt even more than he did – to love him so much that it was painful and indescribable and incomprehensible. Blaine knew that there was no going back with Kurt – he never wanted that, the moment their lips touched he knew where he belonged.

"I – I can't Blaine, something might happen," Kurt swallowed loudly and squeezed his eyes tighter.

"Nothing will happen, you're safe here. You're so safe here Kurt," Blaine let the threatening tears roll down his cheeks.

"How can you be so sure?"

Kurt's voice broke as his question came out, he sounded so innocent, so unsure of everything around him – almost like he had to question everything he knew, like the world had been changed and he'd awoken twenty three years later. Blaine's heart broke a little more, cracked just like Kurt's voice.

"Because I'm here, I'm right here – and I'll never let _anything_ happen to you Kurt. Not ever."

"Do you love me?" Kurt asked a few moments later.

Blaine sighed; "Kurt, I love you so much. It confuses me some of the time. I was completely unaware that someone can feel this way about another person – I never knew it was possible. I love you, Kurt, I _love_ you."

Kurt's hold tightened on Blaine's waist for a moment and loosened, his breathing was slowly calming down but his eyes still stung. Kurt knew this day would come, when he couldn't hold the pain and un-given love anymore; he knew his mother could never be brought back to him. But the ten year mark just made things more realistic, made it final – made it unbearable.

And although the shirt sleeves of his mother's favourite light green blouse were seen as her arms wrapped softly around him; the arms of Blaine – the strong, loving and _real_ arms that bound up his body and pulled it to an equally warm and trusting core – were what he needed and what he never wanted to leave.

"Hold me tighter," Kurt whispered.

'_I hope that you see right through my walls  
>I hope that you catch me, because I'm already falling.<br>you put your arms around me and I'm home.'_

June 17th 2021

Blaine made his way downstairs, treading lightly as not to cause too much noise. He saw Kurt perched on the couch, staring at the wall and biting his nails. Blaine's body inwardly sighed in sadness and closed in on itself – trying to run away and block the feeling of seeing someone he loved so much still being hurt by his mother's absence. It wasn't as if Blaine expected him to get over it – it had been twenty years, another milestone. But it hurt Blaine just as much, seeing him like that – and yes, Blaine was being selfish but even Hamish had noticed Kurt's distance.

"Hamish's in bed, dropped like a light," Blaine laughed softly, breaking the silence and standing at the end of the couch.

He watched and watched, Kurt never moving an inch – completely shut off from everything and everyone.

"Kurt?"

"Sweetie?" Blaine tried again and sat down close to Kurt's side, a warm hand on his knee trying to get his attention.

"Hmm?" Kurt smiled a forced smile but a smile nonetheless.

Blaine hated it though, hated it when Kurt shut himself and chose to act like everything was normal – that there wasn't this gaping, needy hole inside his soul that ached at this time of year. And maybe Blaine was being selfish again and luckily he hadn't had to deal with losing someone so close to him but he still hated seeing Kurt so weak. Knowing that nothing could make it go away but time was annoying and stupid and Blaine regularly turned into a five year old – having a mental strop at why his husband was so distant.

"Hamish is asleep, he dropped like a light," Blaine repeated, stroking Kurt's knee.

"Bless," Kurt smiled fondly, the love for his son shone bright and competed against the pain. "I better go and say goodnight to him then."

Kurt made to get off the couch but Blaine's hands rose and caught onto his, pulling him back down into the familiar but never unwanted arms. Blaine let Kurt settle in his lap, his arms tight around Kurt's body, warming him and loving him just like he did ten years ago. They breathed in each other's scents, letting the smell fill their bodies and spread to their own skin.

Kurt smiled at the warmth but most of all the love, even after all the years and all the fights and hugs and kisses and thrusts he still couldn't get over the love Blaine had for him. There was a time, when Kurt used to doubt everything Blaine felt for him because he simply couldn't fathom why anyone could feel that for him. That never happened anymore, though – he trusted and accepted everything Blaine did and was and loved him for it nonetheless.

Elizabeth would've been so proud, Kurt liked to think. She would've held his cheeks and tugged them telling him over and over how beautiful Blaine was and how happy she was Kurt found someone that loved him rightly. Her scent would've filled their house, reminding him of his childhood and the tight cuddles and strong arms that held him once – such a long time ago. Hamish would've ran to the front door at the sudden sound of the doorbell, running and fumbling with the lock to fly open the door and melt into his grandmother's presence. She would've opened him with arms so homely and so trusting that Hamish probably would've cried.

"She'll never leave you, Kurt," Blaine whispered into Kurt's shoulder, breaking Kurt from his thoughts.

He had tears, he was trying to hold them in but somehow he failed – not remembering how or when. Had he been crying for hours? Blaine's soft hands were tracing patterns on his hips, his upper arms still tight around Kurt's body – just holding him.

Kurt always needed to be held at times like this, he never wanted kisses or sex; he just wanted to be held.

"I know," Kurt said. He had accepted that his mother was gone, really gone, a long time ago but he still liked to believe that she was with him. And she was, in his heart and his soul – in Blaine's heart and part of Hamish.

The way Hamish would smile at photographs of Kurt and his mother always brighten Kurt's day, always. Knowing that somehow Hamish understood her importance without understanding anything of her, he could just sense that Elizabeth wasn't just some other family member. He was his father's mother and somehow in Hamish's brain he understood that he never wanted to feel what Kurt felt – he never wanted to live without his fathers.

"I just wish she was _here_. Here to see us and Hamish and everything we've done – Blaine she would've been so proud and I hate that she can't experience it and that I – I," Kurt stuttered, sniffling and whimpering. His voice cracked again, much deeper now but still crackling at a high pitch.

"Blaine, I wish I could've experienced that with her."

"I know, baby I know. So do I – seeing you so happy."

"It's just so unfair."

"I know but we're here now. We have a beautiful son, I have a beautiful husband and we live a more than perfect life. Most importantly, though, we're here right now with each other and I don't know about you but I'm not leaving."

"Don't promise that," Kurt whispered, remembering his mother's promise to call every night.

Blaine knew Kurt had a thing about promises, he never liked to make them and hated when people promised him things – over the years it had become some kind of omen that Kurt hated to even think upon. Hamish had promised things before and Blaine was left to explain about Kurt's issues. Sure, it had kind of made things difficult and it did progress – meaning you could promise that you'd never eat McDonalds again but nothing that fate could tamper with.

"You know she didn't mean for that to happen, Kurt."

"That's what makes it worse. It _wasn't_ her fault and she _was_ going to ring me every night but it got taken away from her – from me, because the world sucks sometimes," Kurt angered.

"Shh," Blaine stroked Kurt's arm, calming him and holding him a little tighter, dropping a light and discreet kiss to his head. "Let's go to bed, okay? Get some sleep."

"Sleeping won't make it go away though," Kurt sobbed. "It's always there Blaine, every time I try to sleep on this night; it's always there in the back of my mind."

Kurt was scraping at his head, pulling his hair roughly – causing himself pain, trying to distract from the ache in his heart. Blaine pulled his hands away and twined his finger's with Kurt's, pushing him to stand up and lead him upstairs.

"I'm going to brush my teeth okay? Go and say goodnight to Hamish and I'll be right here okay?" Blaine promised.

"Okay," Kurt whispered and headed to his son's room.

Blaine clattered about, reassuring Kurt that he was most definitely still there. He changed and brushed his hands through his hair, looking up into the mirror and spying Kurt at the doorframe. As he came into the bathroom fully, Blaine saw Hamish curled up in Kurt's arms, stroking his fingers against Kurt's ear with his thumb comfortable and snugly placed in his mouth. Blaine smiled and let out a happy, almost relieved sigh at the pair of them. 'Like father, like son', he thought as his mind flashed back to the old photograph of Kurt's six year old body fast asleep, thumb in his mouth.

"Can I sthay you wiv tonight, daddy?" Hamish muttered sleepily, clinging to Kurt a little more.

Blaine nodded and took him from Kurt's arms, to have him adapt to the same position while Kurt got ready for bed. They relaxed in the bed afterwards, Hamish squeezed in between the two of them, snoring lightly around the thumb in his mouth. He shuffled before he settled against Kurt's chest, facing Blaine. Kurt smiled at Blaine, his eyes thanking him, before he slowly reached around and tugged Hamish's thumb away from his lips and held him tight.


End file.
